i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
