Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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