I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
