we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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