Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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