The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my poor anus
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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