my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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