her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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