im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
