I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
