i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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