I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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