erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Well I just put wine in my tea
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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