thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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