Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
