i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
