This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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