I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
