I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize