we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
