No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
handjob tips. give me some.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
