why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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