she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dignity is for republicans.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
