"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
