A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Pooping to opera.
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