just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
