can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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