yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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