he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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