The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
