Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
