Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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