Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
