Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
