so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
