Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
jump out the window naked night went bad
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
