i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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