he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
