then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
