We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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