ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
