If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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