I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
