I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
