your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
