FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
farters have to be the big spoon...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize