I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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