The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
