just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I could have mohawked her pubes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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