How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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