I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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