We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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