I can't watch pbs sober anymore
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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