At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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