Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
