Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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