Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
