dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
