I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
