That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize