I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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