me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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