youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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