we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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