Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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