i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
