this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
