just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
