I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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