Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize