i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
and you fell through a lawn chair
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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