just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
