whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
