physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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