I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you inspire me to be a worse person
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize