Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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