You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
