what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
