upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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