So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
