she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Randomize