I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
