Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
