I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize