wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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